Tuesday, July 1, 2014

I've been living so long with my pictures of you that I almost believe that the pictures are all I can feel

Tonight I spent some time cleaning out my Amazon browsing history and recommendations. I did this because every time I logged on to Amazon to watch anything on Prime, it shows a list of "recommended for you" products, and mine is always full of Monster High dolls. I'd think about how happy they would have made Cassie and how dearly she loved her dolls, and my heart would break, and I'd want to go burn Mattel to the ground because there shouldn't be any more dolls if my baby girl isn't here to enjoy them. It felt like I was erasing her. It made me sick to my stomach, but so did looking at those pictures of those dolls that will never be on the shelves a bedroom that no long exists for a girl who is no longer here. Same days I imagine I'll survive. This wasn't one of them.
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